Update Lapband

Okay so if you have been reading my blogs you know I am getting the lapband. Well I haven't gotten an exact date yet but I go in tomorrow and find out. I have to get labs done and everything and then I schedule the appointment. I know that my surgery will be by the end of the month. I am excited but kind of scared. :-/ The main thing I am fearing is that they will get the anesthesia wrong and I will die on the table. Ugh! Or I will be awake and hear everything but they will think I am asleep. lol OMG that creeps me out. Oh well I guess its normal worries.

I shouldn't be worried though because I have had at least 8 surgeries. I am use to this type of thing. I guess just nothing this severe. This is life changing.

At first I thought the lapband and gastric was going to be so easy but its not. People might think I am taking the easy route for losing weight, I'm not. I have to work twice, even triple as hard now. My stomach is going to be an OUNCE to TWO OUNCES big. I have to chew everything perfect, I have to watch what I eat. I have to watch what I drink. I have to work out. I have to take vitamins every day. I mean I just doubled even tripled what I had to do before. Its going to be rough at first but I believe I can do great things. I am not looking to lose 200 lbs, 100lbs (although that would be nice). I'm not looking to be skinny. I am looking to become healthy. I want to get rid of my PCOS. If I can get rid of PCOS I will be happy. My life is rough with it. I am embarrased from it. Alot of people don't really know what it is or how it affects someone.

Let me just say this... PCOS sucks. It has brought my dad to tears because I have it, and he feels horrible for giving it to me. Although he couldn't help it, he felt bad. I will explain it later, but for now I should probably get back to work.

Ok now that I am off this call I can't finish this blog. Let me explain PCOS. Now this is embarrassing to me, so this is taking alot for me to tell this. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (Disease). What it is is there are many small cysts on the ovaries which can affect a woman in many ways. Some symptoms of this disease are as follows:
Abnormal, to no period
Acne
Decreased breast size
Development of male sex characteristics (low voice, large clit, male partern baldness, facial hair)
Diabetes
Increased hair growth (facial hair, arm hair, leg hair, chest hair)
Infertility
Double to triple amount of insulin
Weight gain/obesity

Now I will tell you the symptoms I have...
Abnormal to no period
Increased hair growth
Infertility
Double to triple amount of insulin
Obesity

If you don't know me or have never seen me you would probably never know I had this. You would just think I was just like the next fat person. I actually eat okay. I don't eat 5 meals a day or tons of junk food. I didn't get my period until I was 17 years old. And the only reason I got it was because I got on birth control. My hair growth is on my chest and face. No its not a beard or a mustache or anything horribly noticable. But I notice is. I have went through hours of painful electronic hair removal to help. Its not a permanent solution but does help. I am currently on a pill that cuts down my hair growth, but a result my hair is thinning on my head. I have been unable to get pregnant, which Im not really trying so thats ok. I do not have diabetes but I am monitored every month. I have had this disease since I was 13 years old. I have lived with it for 11 years now. I am sick of it. Normally when women who have PCOS lose enough weight they notice hair growth has slowed down or disappeared completely. So this is why the lapband will help me out.

I will tell you the hair growth is the most embarrassing thing. I don't let the guy I am dating touch my face. Just in fear he would feel the hair. I have only told ONE boyfriend about it and trust me I didn't want to. But he asked why I always had to shower alone... and then asked about hair folicals seen on my chest. Its not that I have really hairy chest or face, its just that its DARK and visable. You can make fun of me or what not because of it if you must. I have been made fun of numerous times in my life and unfortunately I have gotten use to it. I am praying that the lapband will help me gain the self confidence I need. Because if it doesn't, I fear I will be alone the rest of my life. And I would love to have a husband and a family some day. But who knows. I guess what ever happens, happens. Well I better go to the restroom before my break is up. Ugh!

Back to the darkside I go (work). If you have any questions about my PCOS please feel free to comment.